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Remember when I said I was so in love with The Originals, that I was willing to sacrifice my disdain for The Vampire Diaries -- which was just an assumption my part, that I would hate the show -- just to get all the back story on the Mikaelsons? Haley too, while I'm at it? Klaus and Elijah were in just soooo many TVD episodes, it seemed like it would be weeks of torture to get through it all, but at least I didn't need to go any further than the last episode they were each in. Well, this snowy weekend, I bit the bullet. I finished watching them all. Well, but all but one more. I fast forwarded through as much as I could, but Klaus and Rebecca in particular were so engrained in so many eps, I was watching more than I was fast forwarding. But I did it. I nearly drained ever last drop of them from the show.

I had read somewhere that you really didn't have to watch even the backdoor pilot to enjoy The Originals, which is true given that they are a lot of the same scenes, but you get some different angles in the premiere than you saw in the backdoor pilot, so I do think it helps to at least watch that first, which I had. But you can't get the depth that explains Klaus' connection with Caroline, his obsession with his hybrids, even the night he and Haley conceived their kid without watching all the other eps. Not required viewing, no. But a little icing on the cake to make it all taste that much better? Absolutely.

Unfortunately, that icing is laced with vervain.

Seriously, I don't think I can care less for anyone else as much I don't care for Elena Gilbert. I should feel an instant connection to her because her fictitious last name is my real life maiden name and as any real life Gilbert can tell you, we're a small group. You don't run into too may other non-relative Gilberts, for some reason. But that couldn't redeem her in my eyes. This chick is super annoying, ridiculously naive and just plain whiney, in my book. When she really did whine and break down over all her losses before turning off her humanity, I wished I could leap through the TV, steal her daylight ring and take her on a stroll on the beach while the sun rose. My gawd that chick is a migraine. It's not that she shouldn't be sad, but I wasn't liking her already and that just made me want to strangle her.

And her friend Caroline kinda gets under my skin too with her super moralistic viewpoints and her weird attraction to that odd Tyler dude. I am biased, I know. I probably even have a little thing for the bad boys myself, but Tyler over Klaus? Yeah, yeah, he's homicidal, but he's got a lot more to offer and he's just more interesting. And how they treat Rebekah made me want to bury someone alive. That girl reeks of loneliness. It take no effort at all to befriend her. Yeah, she'll snap your neck if she thinks she can't trust you, but then just don't betray her, ok? Seems like a simple request between friends. Elena, I'm talking to you. All of the Original Family trumps the broodlng teen-age lot over on TVD. Well, let me take that back. Because one of the other things about the show that pissed me off was the treatment of Damon.

OK, so he was less than a draw for me in the beginning. I see him as the ok-looking dude Ian with the ever-widening blue eyes and who is constantly up against my precious Jensen Ackles in all these silly fan polls. (Seriously, SPN fans. How y'all gonna keep letting Ian win those things?) At the moment, I see Ian as possibly a one-trick, albeit sorta pretty, pony. He widens those yes at you, strolls his skinny stroll (he's a tad too lean for my taste) and keeps his hair a little on the wide side, but can he really pull off being different characters ina believable manner? I'm not seeing it yet. Prove me wrong. I'm open to it. But as I continued to watch, it began to grate on my nerves how people kept dismissing Damon as worthy of any kind of real love and affection. They talk to him like he's some kind of side kick they all have to tolerate for the sake of selfless saint Stefan. You all loved Alaric, right? And he saw something redeemable in Damon, so why not follow his lead? True, I dove into this whole thing in season 2 where Elijah came on the scene, so I didn't watch all the history and maybe none of whatever they showed in the first season that's supposed to make me think Damon is the bad boy you only love to hate. But I already told you my affinity for the bad boys. As I watched them continuously try to make him doubt himself, relentlessly repeating as a group the mantra that Elena (SPOILER ALERT!) was just bonded to him because he was her sire and how could she possibily really love him, I just grew angrier over how they treated him and happy whenever they failed in all the self-righteous efforts they made to have things their way. (If you haven't seen this show yet and you want to, ANOTHER MAJOR SPOILER COMING NEXT.) So, after watching a few seasons of that drivel, it pleased me to no end at the end of season 4 - even though I loathe Elena - when Damon got the girl. You deserve to be happy, Damon. Even if it is with an underage high school cheerleader who drinks a lot.

As of now, there is one episode left. The last one in season 5 that Klaus and Elijah are in. I'm not sure about Rebecca yet, but I'll look her up on IMDB too so I can see where her story ends with them. Klaus is going back for an episode in the current season. I know that much. I don't know if it's for just one episode or not, though. I had heard there would be a crossover ep. Maybe that's the one. At least I can understand the history of it all now. (ANOTHER SPOILER COMING UP!) Klaus told Caroline on her graduation that he'd let her have her first love, Tyler. But he intended to be her last one. Come on. That's sweet, if not a little stalkerish! Yeah, yeah. My adoration for the dark ones is showing. But I do wonder if Klaus and Caroline will ever be together. I ain't thrilled with Caroline, but like Damon, I just want Klaus to be happy. He soooo deserves to finally feel loved and be content, and I do hope he can finally get that with (ORIGINALS SPOILER COMING!) his daughter. Kinda depressing how unloved so many of these characters feel. Strike one against ever becoming a vampire, huh? And that whole blood thing. Nasty. Strike two.

I'm gonna go fix my son something to eat then watch that last ep. And ok, I AM a little curious about (YET ANOTHER SPOILER!) Silas' reign in Mystic Falls and will Stefan get out of that safe? So yeah, I may fast forward through a little more of some of other eps. But don't get me wrong. I think the show, overall, is insipid. The characters are pretentious. I know they need to keep repeating their mistakes in order to keep the show going, but Bonnie the super witch got hers when she thought she could do whatever she wanted. The only reason to keep watching this show is to see them all - except Damon - fall and fail in hopefully an epic way. I feel villainy. Must be Klaus' influence.



Yesterday I finished catching up on all 3 seasons of The Originals, which I finally started watching over new year's weekend after delaying the inevitable as long as I could. I don't care a whit for The Vampire Diaries, but when I first caught glimpse of The Originals, I thought I might be in trouble. And I was. It kept calling to me and teasing me every night when Supernatural used to follow it. But I wasn't going to relent because look where it came from. A stupid vampire show, for goodness' sake. Still, it seemed compelling, even if it is on the CW. Then recently I listened to Aisha Tyler's Girl on Guy podcast interview with Daniel Gillies and that was it. I couldn't take it anymore. It got me. So I watched, in hopes of being wrong about it maybe being worth my time.

I thought Supernatural had family angst (I know I'm being blasphemous right now), but The Originals is angst to the Nth degree and I loved every biting second of it, vampires and all. Not quite sure how I'm going to go two whole weeks before its back from it's winter hiatus and then only once a week? Torture. I'm wishing I had watched it slower. I may even write fan fic! That's how ingrained this is. I can actually hear their voices in my head and I may take cursor to screen. This is not Supernatural, however. Somehow it doesn't seem like rewatching those eps will be as satisfying as emo Sam and snarky Dean. But I'm getting desperate here and i have to do something! I may even - gasp! - fast forward through The Vampire Diaries just to get a little more of the Mikaelsons. Sigh. I think that may be my only recourse. I can't believe I'm going to go there. Excuse me while I go cue up Netflix. The things I'm doing for this show. I wonder if I have any popcorn.


Waking Sleeping Muses

As in "I really should be waking my muse, but I don't think mine is the only one." I've been busy and she's as much of a procrastinator as I am, so if I don't shake her awake, she keeps on sleeping while I'm working and doing other things. Mind you, she needs as much of a fix from our fandoms as I do. We're both about to dry up and blow away if the two current ongoing stories by other authors that I am reading don't get updated soon. It seems my muse isn't the only one emulating Rip Van Winkle. Few others are writing at the moment, but we need our Supernatural NOW (or Walking Dead or White Collar or, for the love of all that is holy, someone PLEASE write Ray Donovan! Alone. No crossover. Preferably featuring discipline of some kind).

But since my muse (her name is Deanna) is in a coma - again - I can't at least quench my own thirst by writing something, even if it's just for me. What would you call that anyway? Writing to please yourself? Would it be mastabatory manuscripting? Self-pleasurescripting? Whatever it is, sometimes it's not enough trying to please yourself. You need another party involved. But when that's hard to find, you need to suck it up and give it to yourself. No sense going without, right? Yeah, yeah. I'm still trying to convince myself of this so I can stop looking elsewhere for now.

Maybe tonight I'll just do a little freestyling and see what happens. As soon as I do just a little of the other work I need to do. Come on, I have bills to pay so I have to be responsible, right? But I'm itching over here! What's the literary equivalent of horny? That's me about now. So what am I going to do about it?


In case it isn't clear already, I don't write personal posts very often. And in case it's even less clear, I am going through...something. Call it a sexual re-awakening, if you must define it. But I'm not sure that's the right term because I was never really asleep. However, I did realize once I came off birth control for good after a 10-year stint -- due to my fun pulmonary embolism last year -- that those tiny little pills DO affect the libido in a big way (or at least it did mine), putting you into kind of a waking coma; responsive but not nearly as much as I knew I was pre-kids and pre-BC. (Those pills didn't become my habit until after I had kid 2, thus kid 2, as wanted as she was.) Having kids didn't help the energy levels, I'm sure. I could let my job(s) and other activities become my life if I let them. His 2-job work schedule tends to hinder things as well, but it also adds to the joy when you don't see each other awake but a couple of times per week. Still, being extra-hormones free, in combination with me being over 40 means my husband now kinda has to watch his back.

Now if you are reading this and you are not over 40 yet, all I can say is be warned: No matter how much you think you can bounce off the walls now, I swear to you there has been a difference between 39 and 40. Or if that's not your issue, then take hope! I swear to you there has been a difference between 39 and 40! In my case, it was more like a difference between 43 and 44 when the pills finally went bye-bye.

And let's not talk about the injustice of it all that men peak so young while we are still climbing to this magical age - I'm just not sure what God was thinking there. But until He tells me, I feed this little rambunctious chick inside me as much as my morals will allow and a movie like MM2 is just what the sex therapist ordered.

I saw MM. I was kinda surprised by Channing Tatum since he had never turned my head before. I liked MM. And yeah, I'm was so paying attention to Channing after that. A man who can move - scratch that. A BIG man who can move like that is pure kryptonite. Ah, and then last night a couple of friends and I saw MM2. One of the girls was the one I saw 50 Shades with. The other was someone else. The three of us, with our somewhat similar taste in men, sat there laughing and bobbing to the salacious music, mesmerized by all. the freaking. beauty. There wasn't much of a plot to speak of and after I read some movie reviews last night when I got home, I saw that was the point. Plot? We don't need no stinkin' plot! We need beautiful boys on a life-changing road trip and if you can show me a whole new side to Michael Strahan while you're at it, all the better!

This is NOT like the first movie and maybe that will help you decide whether or not you want to see it. It is foreplay that expertly builds to a visual and auditory orgasm. Auditory because these boys were saying all the right things to women and about women to each other. And yes, I'm seriously considering going back to see it again. My friend is already ready to do it. It was like we were in that audience. It should have been a freaking IMAX 3D movie.

So there you have it. Another way to please a 40-something married woman who would never stray from her husband, but must must must find multiple ways to abate the appetite in between um, visits with the husband. There are other ways too. Maybe I'll talk about those some time, one day. Maybe.


Is it Worth It?

OK, LJ. Spring is finally waking up in the Northeast. I've got some energy. I'm miraculously still writing since I decided to do more than read here 8 months ago. So I finally took a look at how much your paid account is and I see you have various recurring payment options. $20 really isn't all that much for 12 months, so I took the plunge. I want to be able to see stats and whatever else you offer paying folk. So you've got me for one year. I hope you're worth it.


Good Friday

Long week at work, but I finally finished a story I started months ago and got sidetracked on because of the challenge in one group and life overall. Breath of Life was one story I just wanted to cuddle with when I thought of it and I'm nowhere near a fluffy person. Now I'm on the hunt for more ideas. I thought I had just one idea left on my to-do list, but it's actually two, so this weekend I may just get one started. After this trying work week, that makes me very happy.

Y'all have a nice holiday.


Future Tense

I'm sitting here right now listening to a Girl on Guy podcast. Aisha Tyler is talking to Stephen Amell. I don't watch Arrow so I don't get any kind of thrill from him being in this conversation or anything. I just like Aisha a lot and I can listen to her talk to anyone and be entertained because ultimately people are really interesting when they are sharing who they really are and what they really feel. Aisha seems to bring that out of people. She's smart. She's witty. I know she's a comedian and is supposed to be funny, but she really doesn't make me guffaw. Instead, I just like her and how quick she is and the fact that she not only reads voraciously but she keeps up with the entertainment industry too and of course she works all the time and I think to myself, how does she do that? I wanna do that! Then I remember, she doesn't have any kids. Oh. Yeah. That's how she does it. OK. Still, I admire it. I admire anyone doing what they love to do. I do what I love to do, but there is still more I intend to do and yesterday was one of those days when I got to pondering about those next steps. I do that from time to time. (Bet you didn't see that coming, did you? Bet you thought this was an Aisha love fest. Sorry. No.)

My pondering this time was partially started by a former intern for whom I wrote a couple of grad school recommendations because she was super easy to do that for. I don't do it for everyone. But she was quick and smart and accommodating. Then she graduated college, which was near our office, and had to move back home, which was further away, and as much as we both didn't want it, she had to leave me. Being an intern at my manic company is actually a really great opportunity for someone who wants to do as much as possible and learn as much as possible and have much responsibility really early on because we are a small company with an entrepreneurial engine and we've been that way for 10 years. I've been there for 9 of those years and even though it's a rough marriage at times, I still love it, darn it. One reason is because it's been my utmost honor to be the main or one of the main managers of the interns in our department because my (now former) co-workers deemed me the mom of the group - and the most organized - and I guess it made sense for me to take charge of the babes. And it did make sense because I love helping people, guiding younger folk especially. (Why aren't they teaching more life stuff in college yet? It's crazy!) I have this innate need to take care of people - to a certain extent. I want people to be self-aware and fulfilled and to make the most of their opportunities and maybe there is something half-past professional about being that way, but this is me. I was born this way.  And folk seem to be ok with it because it makes me a good fit for this weird non-traditional company.

So when the former intern told me about her college acceptances, I wasn't surprised. I was really proud of her, as I would be if my own kids had told me of thier success. She didn't have to wallow in that post-graduation mire of 'what's next" and "who will give me a chance." She had found not only another good new internship closer to home, but they had an office in the city of her new grad school. I thought about her and past interns who were also super smart and successful and who I was glad to have helped in some way along the way and it made me glad to be working a job where I help people in one way or another. It also made me want to do more with people more directly. Now I can't tell you what exactly. But I do enjoy sharing with my interns things I consider to be the most basic of life's info and watching them look at me like they had never thought of that before. Or in some cases tell me so. I'm never 100% sure they aren't just being nice listening to yammering me until I get emails of appreciation like hers or they tell me at some point how much they are getting out of their time with us and it inspires me all the more.

A long time ago I started looking at life as a whole and not just focus on the part I am in at the moment. I started thinking then that there were many things I would want to do, but I decided I didn't have to do them all by some self-imposed deadline. (Having that stupid pulmonary embolism last year certainly could have curtailed all that, but that mysterious brush with death only served to make me want to take care of me even more so I can continue on my way.) There was college, of course, and I loved the thought of interior design then and artistic things in general. But I kept English as my fallback because I've never not written and read. (I got into college for interior design but I did end up switching majors. Making other people's ideas come to life all the time lost its luster. Art, however, is still a love of mine.) The college road led me to journalism and thinking about one day working for a magazine, maybe writing a book. And when I thought magazine I actually thought two extremes - either Essence (which was born pretty much when I was, so it had been around my entire life and it remains the sum of everything that matters to me) or any entertainment gig, believe it or not. Maybe it's the artist in me. I don't know. I just find that whole world interesting for some reason and I never let go of that. Don't ask me what I could possibly try to do at this stage of the game, but I don't worry about stuff like that. I just know myself and I go with the flow and so far, so good. I wanted to write. Discovered I loved to edit too. I wanted to help people. I love being creative and artistic. I do all of that.

As I got older, I pondered the idea of being a therapist. I know. It seems left field, but it's really not. I've done things that gave me experience in that too, but I do hate the idea of being tied to people's issues for years and years. Especially because I get way too enmeshed. (Like that use of therapy terms?) But coaching? Now that sounded like a better possibility and when I was in my 30s I decided that might be where I'd head when I got to my 50s. I'm not there yet, but all the work I do with the interns keeps soldifying for me the need to do something akin to that. But before I get to that stage of life I could just write about it all, which I have done a couple of times. I need to do more. I'm working on it. So I write way more for fun than ever before, which led me here.

Since you don't KNOW me know me, this can all sound like one huge ramble. But this post is probably just for me. Reminding me that my pursuit of all things that speak to me and that allow me to put my gifts in action is a worthwhile, fulfilling pursuit. The random dots of my life always connect because I am the common denominator and God made us to be these three-dimensional beings who can appreciate and do a variety of things. I just try to take full advantage of that. I don't need my interests to make sense to anyone but me and Him. I just need to know my purpose and fulfill that to be fulfilled myself. Helping others, encouraging others through my writing, through my jobs, through my words spoken directly to them, through my action - that's what brings me joy and peace. I still love the idea of somehow doing somethng connected to the entertainment industry too. Don't ask me. I told you these dots can sometimes be random. But you never know. Living near NY could be helpful. The husband of one of my good friends is a screenwriter. My current job puts me in touch with all sorts of people, even those in that industry. I smile to think of a B list actor I thought was adorable years and years ago in a show I used to watch. Who'd ever think I'd end up working and becoming Facebook friends with him one day. You really just never know. You just have to admit what you want, be open to it, walk in that way, see what happens.

I really appreciate life right now.


Proud of You, Fandom

It is Sunday night and VegasCon is over. I have bever been so happy as I was to check out the pics, tweets and storify accounts dedicated to this.

First off, this makes me so deliriously happy, I can barely begin to say.

Photo credit: @JensenAckles
Photo credit: @huesiemama 

Photo credit: @oohbarista
Photo credit: @HeartDoc112

I have to admit I am very proud that overall there did not seem to be any hate mongering going on for John. I read there was a standing O, which JDM totally deserves just for having to listen to the backlash against John. I love that he had such a good time and I can imagine he's going to try his best to do another con one day, but the man is crazy busy so I think all we can really do is hope for the best. I just know that there are a select few cons on my wish list - two, to be exact, after the New Jersey one that I am doing this year. But after this, I just added anywhere JDM will be, I want to be too. He seemed so happy to be with "his boys" (and even though he shares them with us, he claimed they were his first and I will always see them as his anyway) and I think I adore Samantha more than ever now too, by the way. Then I see that JDM's son and my son have the same birthday and he missed his son's this year just as I did (to be with my daughter on her Girl Scout trip) and that makes me happy too. (Not missing my son's birthday, of course, or JDM missing his either.) Now I know if I ever meet him, I'll have something to tell him.

I've always liked JDM a lot. Now I'm more enamored of him than ever and I wasn't even there to see this in person. My face would likely have broken if I had been there in person.

I don't know how they'll do it. Maybe they are saving John for the end of the series, but they better find a way to bring him back and give him the chance he wants to show all of us that John loves his sons. I think it will give the boys and the fans a chance for some much-needed healing.

Now to wait for the con videos!

P.S. J3; her name is Samantha and her character's son is Sam; his middle name is Dean, which is also his character's son...this stuff. Seriously. How do you not see this as one of those stars-aligning situations? Can't get any more perfect.



So it struck me today - sorta out of the blue, but not out of the blue because I really have been thinking about it a lot. How did I get to this age and just now realize that I may be orally fixated? Wish that were as sexy as it sounded. Weight has been an issue for me since puberty, or maybe a little after that. Recently, in a group program test I'm doing at work, I was asked to think about my emotional eating habits. I've actually thought about this a lot over the years because it's easy to assume I must emotionally eat. But if you ask me to name the times I've done that, it's really hard. When I'm angry, I clean. When I'm sad, I drive and sing to myself (sometimes I do this when I'm angry too, so watch out) or watch TV or sleep or SHOP! (Bad girl.) I eat out of boredom, sure, and when I'm sitting still too long, including when I watch TV. But that's as far as I can knowingly go. I've never had an eating disorder or any other kind of medical issue that impacts my weight. OK, maybe the birth control pills did, though it's really hard to know that for sure. That's history anyway as of last June when I had my lovely pulmonary embolism and that was the only culprit they could name. And yes, genetics are involved too, so that makes things easier. But still, I'm doing something to excess, right? As in eating and I KNOW I'm not always hungry when I do that.

For some reason I didn't connect the dots that my unnecessary eating may be linked to my need to fidget and chew on pens, pen caps, straws, whatever won't hurt me in some way. Today I realized that maybe what I need to do is MORE chewing on the non-edible stuff when I want to eat for no good reason.

It's actually kinda liberating to put these two habits together and see what happens.


Fair Weather Fandom

So I'm just going to say it. The way the SPN fandom can turn on a person like a rabid dog is just insane. And what's more, usually the one they are turning on is another fan, the show or someone from the show. Yet they are fans? I'm sorry. I don't get it. I know it's a family, but I guess I just have a different understanding of how you treat family. What's more, I think I have a different understanding of what it means to be a fan. For me, it's just more fun keeping my pool of fan friends small and carefully selected. Being around too many other fans seems to tarnish things. Let's hope I can stay in my bubble when I go to the convention in September.